On the night of Nov. 17, 1990, in a small faith-based community of Altona, Canada, two new teenage friends joined by a common interest in hockey and dirt bikes were separated by the fatal attack of a classmate. The hours-long events of that evening involved premeditated sexual and physical assault at gunpoint, throats slit, and a home burned with two bound victims left in flames. In the aftermath, 15-year-old Curtis Klassen lost his life; the assailant, 17-year-old Earle Giesbrecht, was given two life sentences; and 14-year-old Tyler Pelke somehow clung to life.
Pelke described the year that followed the attack as fumbling through a traumatic fog. While undergoing the proceedings of the justice system, Pelke leaned on the support and love of his extended family and community, sensing the devastation felt by everyone.
“I had a good support system including a single mother who had moved us to the Altona area only a few months previous to the attack,” he said.
While a newcomer, Pelke had been grateful to find a lot in common with Curtis, a welcoming friend who coincidentally shared the same hockey nickname “Pokey.” Their friendship had been a brief but impactful period ending in tragedy. “Life is too short,” Pelke said.
The repercussions of Curtis’ loss and the road to recovery were physically and mentally daunting for Pelke, weighed down by survivor’s guilt and fighting feelings of shame over what had transpired that night—life lost and forever changed. During this time, Pelke found his purpose in a faith-based perspective, shaped by his grandmother’s wisdom, not that “This happened for a reason,” but rather, “You are here for a reason.”
Purpose and perspective
Knowing he had a purpose did not give Pelke a clear path ahead, especially as graduation neared. At one point Pelke desired to be an architect, but his school counselor reviewed his grades and asked what other path he might consider.
“I knew I wanted to do something different every day,” Pelke said. He had family ties with the fire service and thought it might be a natural fit for him as well. At nearly 18, Pelke decided to apply to be part of the Altona volunteer fire service. “I had to be voted in by the people who came to my house that night [in 1990]. Ultimately, they chose to help me achieve something and gave me a foundation of a caring community.”
During this pivotal time in Pelke’s emerging adulthood, there was not a lot of focus on mental health or common language around post-traumatic growth, but Pelke knew he did not want to let the past dictate his future. “I had to compartmentalize the tough stuff so that it wouldn’t affect who I was, how I thought about myself, or what I had to offer,” he said.
Early on in his career, Pelke became involved with firefighting charity organizations, including working with burn victim survivors. “Having survived third-degree burns to 25% of my body, my purpose was to show that something that happened to you physically doesn’t have to limit you.” Pelke had formed a tough-minded perspective based on both bravery and compassion: “If I can get through it, you can too.”
And he has. Thirty years later, Pelke has held multiple positions in the fire service, originating as an EMT/Firefighter, becoming a Training Member, leading Emergency Operations Center roles, participating on National Disaster Response Teams (Canada Task Force II), and now serving as Deputy Chief with the City of Red Deer Emergency Services (Alberta, Canada).
As life’s opportunities expanded for Pelke, so did his purpose. He has spent the last 10–15 years incorporating psychology into his path of understanding while reflecting on his own path of resilience. “I just started by telling the story of that night, which developed into a conversation about forgiveness and understanding.”
His message has evolved as he has shared his story with different audiences of faith-based realms, emergency services, business associations, healthcare platforms, educational institutions, and a 2023 award-winning documentary, “Altona.” “Overwhelmingly, as I share my story, I learn from others about myself,” Pelke said.
Those who have connected with his story offer vulnerable reactions and questions that help frame Pelke’s mindset in new ways. “There are so many people who are so learned, who have been through more than I have,” Pelke said. “But if I can help one person in a room, that’s both humbling and powerful.”
Building resilience
Perhaps the most powerful part of Pelke’s message is its relatability. “Adversity is the great equalizer,” he said. “It levels the human experience at its core.” Well-known American psychiatrist and author Dr. Scott Peck says, “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths … because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.”1
The path of healing can involve revisiting and resolving the same feelings. “I was frustrated at times, questioning why,” Pelke said. “Getting to a place of forgiveness for myself and the attacker was important for me. It has shaped my own personal philosophies of practicing empathy for ourselves and others.”
Forgiveness has undoubtedly been tied to his personal purpose, yet Pelke’s mother set a powerful example to him as the first one to visit the attacker in prison. “I used to say, ‘I forgive him, but I don’t want to be in the same room with him,’” Pelke said. “But then I heard a voice in my mind saying, ‘Why not?’”
Facing the man who assaulted him and set him on fire undoubtedly took courage, but Pelke recognized the importance of that hurdle. Halfway through Giesbrecht’s prison sentence, an organization that facilitates restorative justice contacted Pelke to set up an opportunity for that conversation. Pelke was not sure he wanted to revisit that trauma, but he did want to express forgiveness and listen, seeking understanding.
“Our world is shaped around being comfortable, a routine we live,” Pelke said. “But everything we need to grow as humans is found in discomfort. It is hard, but we need to face it—the past, our fears, reality—to strengthen the mind, body, and soul.”
While creating a fulfilling life forward, Pelke has shaped a foundation of personal truths: We each have a purpose, we have things we can and cannot control, we can rely on our support system, we can think about others, and we can have gratitude for the present.
“I have to be consistent and disciplined in my thinking,” he said. “Only then can I really practice empathy for myself and others.”
Beginning the journey
Evidence-based research around resilience shows it is not a select predisposition but a learned and strengthened condition. Pelke points to common threads that can help build resilience such as having a moral compass, believing in something (anything) greater than yourself, accepting that you cannot change things, and rejecting a victim mentality. “Resilience is a developed mindset determined by your consistent thought patterns,” he said. “You have to recognize that life is not happening to you, it’s for you.”
Though resilience builds within yourself, its growth may require going outside of yourself. Pelke suggests it may start with beginning a conversation with a therapist, a coach or a trusted friend, or anyone with whom you can be vulnerable. “You have to believe in the process,” he said. Like progressing toward any goal, taking small, incremental steps is more palatable to the human mind. “Things are going to happen gradually and then suddenly,” he said.
For example, consider the goal of improving your physical health. If you go for a walk for 30 minutes daily, you may not notice a difference for the first few months. But if your consistency leads to mindful growth such as changing your diet and stretching out that walk, suddenly you see a significant physiological change. “As you put in the hours, that puts you in a different place tomorrow and the next day and the next day,” Pelke said.
Applying such incremental progress into mental and emotional growth requires focusing on the care and feeding of your mind. You might ask yourself what you are reading, watching, and listening to. How do these sources influence your thinking?
Pelke recognizes three areas of self-care that contribute to mental strength to face adversity: self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy.
Developing these attributes requires slowing down and focusing on controlling our responses. “Tomorrow is going to be easier because we are doing the hard work today,” Pelke said. “People want to see instant results or to skip the tough parts, but the only way through it is through it.”
Dispatch stress
Though Pelke has never been an Emergency Dispatcher, he works closely with the City of Red Deer Emergency Services Communications Center, an IAED™ Accredited Center of Excellence, serving a population of 400,000 people.
As first, first responders, Emergency Dispatchers share a common purpose with responders in desiring to serve the public and provide help in the face of an emergency.
“My world has been Operations, so I arrive on the scene and see a beginning, middle, and end,” Pelke said. “But I can appreciate that Emergency Dispatchers are beyond physical reach, but not beyond personal investment.” Emergency Dispatchers often disconnect when responders arrive or direct the scene without resolution on their end.
Considering the scope of stress in dispatch, Pelke shared wisdom gained in the beginning of his career: “I learned two rules on my first day of EMT school: 1. People die. 2. EMTs can’t always change rule 1,” Pelke said. “Bad things happen to people, and we cannot change that. But we can all work together to help.”
In a world of emergencies heard and handled in a nonvisual environment, Pelke recognizes the stress of elements beyond an Emergency Dispatcher’s control. “You have to set your own values to measure your impact, not based on the outcome, whether tragic or unknown,” he said. “It’s important to fall back on a belief system within your own control.”
Emergency Dispatchers may question themselves on the critical aspects of what they can control: Did I follow the protocol? Did I send the right resources? Did I provide the information and instructions? Did I provide calm, compassionate service to those at the scene?
No one person can be expected to handle emergencies with perfection. Though regrets may enter our thoughts, they should not dominate them. “Regret is a horrible place to live,” Pelke said. “We can ask ourselves what we need to do or feel about it, and then we must take that and put it toward the future.”
Beyond the challenge of facing an emergency at work is going home to a life of normalcy afterward. Built-up anxiety over exposure to dire situations on the job can bleed into the thoughts of a personal life.
“One coping strategy is to identify a fear and walk yourself through what would happen if the worst occurred,” Pelke said. “There would be an answer. You might not like that answer, but surfacing the fear helps you cope with that possibility. If you steer away and ignore it, that fear only grows.”
Lastly, Emergency Dispatchers, like all responders, need to learn to recognize how their body feels stress and take action to relieve that stress. “Breathe,” Pelke said. “To connect the mind and body, to reset your body’s settings, be present and breathe.”
Team building
Significant areas of strength for Pelke include learning to trust and contribute to a team. Whether he’s in a fierce hockey game or fighting a black plume of smoke, he’s learned being a contributor to a unified cause requires effort.
“The key to building a team starts within ourselves,” Pelke said. “High-performing teams understand that people are responsible for the energy they contribute, for what they think, for how they adhere to a common set of core values, for how they deal with conflict, and for how they hold each other accountable.”
Perhaps Pelke’s most accomplished team is his marriage of 25 years, which he describes as a union of two opposite personalities. Where Pelke is energized by interacting with people around him, his wife is an introvert who possesses a quiet calmness. Through the years and growth of their family, their relationship has been strengthened by maturing communication.
“I don’t think I’m very easy to live with sometimes,” Pelke said. “But we give each other the benefit of the doubt. We might say, ‘It’s been a rough day,’ and respond with ‘What do you need from me?’”
His circle of trust helps him navigate sharing life’s journey. “I like to think of a target symbol where each ring represents how much I share with others,” Pelke said. “The outer ring represents the truth, the middle ring represents the whole truth, and the central ring is nothing but the truth. My family comprises the center of that support system and has made me a better human,” he said.
When weighed down by the pain and grief of this world and adversity in our own lives, Pelke recommends being present for the people you care about. “I have hard days or maybe weeks, but when I go home, I have a dog that loves me when I walk in the door. I get to have supper with my wife and kids and enjoy this life in front of me right now. I have today.”
Source
1. Peck MS, M.D. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth. Simon & Schuster. 1978.
